Kits and the Fair

Kits are the bomb. I love the banana and the strawberry. I took the kids to the county fair this weekend. They had a blast. It was cool because the lines were really short for the kiddy rides. It is a trip though. A small town county fair is something to behold. You see people that could have come from nowhere other than the hills. Women with blue jean overalls on, men with ten gallon hats tight wranglers and western shirt, real life white men with rednecks with plaid shirts blue jeans and john deere hats. There was one kid there around the age of seven dressed like Festus from Gun Smoke. He had the vest the hat with the broken brim and everything. I got a good natured chuckle out of him. I also got a good chuckle out of the little boy who got on the kiddy roller coaster with my kids. His mother shouted out when the ride started. “John John hold on to your hat!!!!!”
This kid had on an authentic 10 gallon just like his daddy. I make the kids go with me to see the animals every year right before we leave. The bulls are my favorite. They are pretty darn big when you get right up on them. My son was scared of the longhorns for some reason so I didn’t get a chance to check them out real good. I came to realization on the way home from the fair that I am country but there are people ten times more country than I will ever be.

I’ma cut em

Today we are having a bar-b-q sale at work for our department. We raise money for the Christmas Party and other social events through occasional sales, dues, plus we sale candy bars, chips, and soft drinks in the break room on the honor system. Today I signed up to bring some bar-b-q baked beans. When I got off of work last night I went to the world of wally and picked up my ingredients: beans, bell peppers, onions, bbq sauce, and ground beef. I already had the brown sugar at the house. So there I stand last night mincing onions, dicing bell peppers and browning ground beef. I hooked the beans up. I ate a little sample last night and they were banging. I go to put my beans in the frig this morning and what do I see, a crock pot full of pork and beans without an ounce of sauce on them. Low and behold next to them in a Kroger’s bag there sits three cans of no name beans the likes of I have never seen in my life. I slaved over a hot stove last night cooking and these sorry rascals that also signed up to bring beans didn’t put in an ounce of effort. This is not the first time this has happened. The last time it happened was when I made chili for the chili sale. But I am announcing on this blog right now. If they mix my bar-b-q beans made with the recipe passed down to me from my Grandma on my Mothers side I’ma cut em. Don’t hate because I took the time to hook it up and you picked up your beans on the way to work this morning. Don’t be upset when you got to take a crock pot full of Showboat’s back to the house. Don’t get upset when the person in line if front of you when you get your plate says “hold on a minute, I don’t want any straight out of the can Showboats, I want some of the beans with ground beef in them that J Luv made with the recipe passed down to him from his Grandma on his Mother’s side”. Just stand back, shut up, and make sure you get some of them too.(LOL)

drop it like its hot

It is time for a brother to take a little weight off. I was sitting around this weekend throwing down on some cheese dip and chicken strips when something strange happened. My skin felt tight. I went took a good look in the mirror and said damn my stomach is starting to do some serious rounding. That means it is time to take off a little weight. No more cheese dip, no more chicken strips, no more burger king breakfast sandwiches, no more double cheeseburgers plain with Mac sauce and lettuce, no more fried gizzards and egg rolls, no more fried catfish and fried potatoes, no more 44 oz dr. peppers between jobs, no more laffy taffy party’s in the mid-morning, no more beer during the week. Like Michael Jackson said it is time to make a change after looking at the man in the mirror. It is time to start back walking nightly. It is time to start going to lunch in the cafeteria. It is time to take the stairs instead of the elevator. My goal is to get rid of twenty pounds by the end of the year. As of today I have twenty pounds to go. We will see how this goes. I am usually successful when it comes to shedding weight. Now that I have made my goal publicly known I will be likely to stick it out. The big 20 will go. Now I must go find a healthy afternoon snack.

Who in the world are you talking to?

Who in the world are you talking to? This is a question that I ask myself at least ten times a day. I don’t ask myself this because someone is saying something off the wall or trying to test my gangster. I ask myself this because no matter what time of the morning or night you drive down the road someone is talking on the phone. Who in the world are you talking to at seven in the morning while doing sixty in the left hand lane? I don’t know anyone that sits at home and chit chats on the phone this early in the morning. If you are up this time in the morning you’re just getting in from work, getting ready for work, getting the kids ready for school, on the phone with a prayer partner or already at work? In any event you probably don’t have time to shoot the breeze with your friend doing sixty in the left hand lane. This means more than likely you are talking to someone else on their way to work. I figure the person doing sixty in the fast lane is talking to the person that just ran the red light while cheesing and chatting. People on the phone on the road at seven in the morning aren’t the only people I wonder about. I also wonder who in the hell are people talking to all day at work. There is nothing more irritating than having to hear someone’s long azz gossip session while actually trying to work. Actually working isn’t something I do often but when I do I need to concentrate. Who in the heck are you talking to from 9-11 am on a week day? You are more than likely talking to someone else at work whose co-workers are about ready to choke their azz too. I luckily don’t have this problem anymore. We had a temp here once that would talk from 9-11, go to lunch from 11-12, finish eating at her desk from 12-12:30, a quick call to the baby sitter from 12:30 to 12:35, and then back to gossiping at 12:45. 12:35-12:45 was spent going to the water cooler, with all of that talking she had to wet the whistle every now and then. My boss never said anything to her. She just didn’t get the job when interviews took place. My Grandmother always says if you talk too much you are doing 1 of 2 things. You are either lying or telling all of your business. This lady here did a lot of both. I though wonder sometimes did her cousin ever dump her boyfriend that got the lady across the street pregnant.

Friday- Friday’s I usually hit the local super center for groceries the local liquor store for beer and beef jerky and take it to the house. This was not the case this Friday I was invited to my boss’s crib for drinks and cheese dip. It is funny the picture you get from people by talking to them and what things actually are when you see them for yourself. I am going to stop there because my monthly self improvement is to stop talking about people.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Here it is eight in the A.M. and I am hype as all get out. Friday mornings are special to me. It is the one morning that I skip over the raisin bran for breakfast and hit the local gas station for some good grease in the early morning. I was a little disappointed this morning because there wasn’t any gizzards ready yet. I had to go with option number two an egg roll and a burrito. The first think that lead to my crunkness this morning was the fact that I popped Juvenile in the CD player on the way to work this morning. I started bopping my head while munching on my egg roll. I knew that this was not a good thing so I decided to turn to the TJ Morning show to see what was going on and bammmmmmmmmmmmmm. They were playing Treat Them Right the Old Chubb Rock Jam. So now instead of bobbing my head and eating my egg roll I am doing the 2 step and finishing off my burrito. People tend to look at you funny when you drive and do the 2 step at the same time. Once that song was finished and I had listened to It’s Your World I figured why stop the party now so I popped in some Eight Ball & MJG. This was my biggest mistake so now here I am listening to Mr. Big parallel parking and gangster walking at the same time. Once I get parked just right and take time to clap clap clap a couple of times I realize something. It is eight in the morning, I have a desk full of bank statements waiting on me, I still have around thirteen hours before my weekend officially starts, and I could almost go for a beer right about now. Today is going to be a long day.

Hamburgerlers

I just saw some real funny stuff at the local McDonalds. The workers put the gank move on the manager. McDonalds is an interesting place to me. I like to go sometimes eat sit back and watch the way the workers interact with each other. They were in rare form today. One worker got the managers attention in the back. As soon as the manager turned around the other couple of co-conspirators went into action. One guy grabbed about eight or nine burgers out of the bin and put them in a very large salad bag. There was a young lady standing by the fries. She commenced to making three or four large fries as he was doing his thing. Then he took the bag over to her so she could drop the fries in with the burgers. As soon as she had dropped the fries in the bag he took the sack to the dining area and put it in an empty booth. All of this took less than a minute. They all clocked out a few minutes later. The guy had a couple of empty bags in his hand when he came from behind the counter. He went to the booth and proceeded to divvy up the goods. They all walked out a couple of minutes later with their bags neatly tucked under their arm. I wonder if I let them know what I seen can I bribe one of them for free extra cheese on my next visit.

Ten Things I need to do off the top of my head

1 ..I need to shave
2.. I need to water my plant before I leave work
3..I need to change my oil this weekend
4..I need to go grocery shopping tonight
5..I need to find a good homemade mac and cheese recipe before I leave work
6..I need to wash my fiance's car
7..I need to find out why my new monitor for my new computer hasn't arrived yet
8..I need to get our Acct Tech to scan these bank statements
9..I need to make some journal entries
10..I need to drink a cold beer

Thief Thief

I work a second job as an assistant supervisor for a cleaning company at the national headquarters of a large telecommunications company. The place is huge. Our cleaning staff is around seventy people. One of the first things we tell people when they walk in the door is that there are hidden cameras everywhere. Keep your hands to yourself and don’t pick anything up. I had the sad privilege to watch a video tape of a stupid brother last night. He was supposed to be emptying trash. The tape shows him going in the office and emptying the trash like he is supposed to do and leave the office. He turns around and goes back into the woman office and starts going through her things. He next slides the money that he finds on her desk in his pocket as if someone is watching him. He then goes into her refrigerator looking for a snack. After that he tries to open up several drawers but they are locked. He then leaves the office. I could not do anything but shake my head because all of this was caught from a perfect camera angle in living color with him as the star.